Slow but Steady

Ok, so I'm not very good at this blog thing. I mean I don't keep up with it, but something is better than nothing right!!

I was reading a friend from high schools blog this am "real girls don't poop" and she talks about how we are all different people than we were back in the day. Now we have a better idea of whats real verses not, and how we all get pulled into the cycle of what people throw at us.

Her blog, makes me realize that while I have the same qualities of the dorky high school girl I once was, I am no longer the same girl. Not physically and definitely not mentally. That the long battles of what I thought were the worst/hardest decisions that I made (separating myself from all things (people) Manchester) and cutting my losses, gave me the opportunity to grown and make my way back to the people that I want to connect with. You have to understand the community I hail from, the friends I had in high school, were the friends I went to nursery school with, the friends I went to CCD with, there were no people from the outside world. I knew only what I saw everyday, which limits ones grasp of reality.

My retraction from the "cult" of Manchester, gave me the opportunity, power, and balls to take on myself. I dropped a ton of weight, I did things that wouldn't have worked in the old mold of myself. Hell I moved across the country.

I guess what I realized out of A's blog, (which is her self help back to her younger self) is that if I knew then what I know now, would I still be the same person I am today. Would I have taken the chances, made the friends, enjoyed the bumps along the way. I can't say that I would be. I think that lefts, when I should have gone right, and the holding on dear for life, are what makes us what we are. It makes us secure in ourselves, it makes us able to break the mold and figure out how we can be the best us!

Now I'm off to spinning, I have a closet of clothes that are missing me at the moment!

Where's my airplane?

Ok, I'm overly ready to go home at the moment. I miss my family, I miss my bestie. I feel like we are on 2 different planets only separated by 3 hours... but those 3 hours sometimes feel like a death sentence. I seriously work crazy long hours, and have no money (how did this happen?), and to top it all off I have no friends.

I can't say I'm overly joyed at being here at the moment, I would actually give my right arm to be back at home, working at my less than stellar previous job, if it would mean my life would go back to normal. I know that normal is not something that will ever be my life.

My workouts have gone to shit this week, and I totally blame it on a cardio class I took on Monday that involved lunges and squats, which have caused my legs to be in constant pain, making well everything SUCK! Thus leading to gain-age. I want to just disappear come this weekend, but sadly I am going to this concert where I know no one singing. I want to to bag out of it, but it's not workable, and to top it all off it supposed to rain this weekend.

I'm praying that next week(end) when I have my "overnight" I will be compensated. I am in serious need of the cash, and I owe the sister $230 which I hate, I need to buy xmas presents, and I need to find another b-sitting gig in order to even live out here. It's crazy I did the math before I decided to come out here, but holy crap, it's not what I expected. I should be able to do this, so why I'm having problems I am clueless to.

I'm annoyed at everything at the moment. I feel totally alone, and a break down is coming soon I can feel it. Hopefully I can hold it off for 3 more weeks till I see the family in Vegas, but who knows. California, being penny-less, and friendless is grating on me, who knows how long I'll survive.

HA

Ok, so the "mom" and I usually go to WW on Sundays. I go more for her than for me, I know what I need to do but it does keep me honest so I guess I get what I want out of it. That said I was down 3lbs which isn't really that much considering that I had been up a few last week, but at least its a step in the right direction. I don't know if I really feel a difference though, my jeans were tight and there was def. some muffin but at the same time they had just been washed and dryed (excuses, I know).

But I bought this pretty dress from Jcrew, in the sale part, so I can't return it, and it fits and is super cute, so I'll be bringing it to Vegas for Meg's Bday! so I'm super psyched about that. I also tried on my jean shorts that I wore all the time last summer, and they fit, I wish they were a little looser in the thighs but they fit non the less. HIGH 5.... phew.

The MA mom is going to send me my spinning shoes which I think will really help in my weight loss, and getting myself back under control. I'm still searching for a running buddy but that can be a work in progress. I'm going to sign up for a 5km at Coyote Point Park come the 30th of Oct, and then I will have the title 9, 5M run the following Sunday. 2 more shirts to add to my pile!

For those of you who don't know, I will not run a race unless I get a tee-shirt. Sounds crazy or silly, I'm ok with that. The method to my madness, is that 2 years ago I started my "get healthy life style", and along the way I decided to keep all my shirts and that I want a quilt made out of them. Now, I've gone and moved to the West Coast, so the plan gets bigger. I want the quilt to be a west coast verses east coast quilt. One side will be East coast, the other will be West coast, let me tell you I'm pretty psyched about this idea, actually I'm very excited about it, and crazy proud of myself :)

Right now, I only have 2 West coast shirts, but I'll have 2 more come 3 weeks, and then there is a race the Sunday after Turkey Day that I want to do in the city, but that depends on whether there is a bag check. Which will bring me to 5 shirts. I'd be totally happy if I could get 15 shirts by next June..... we shall see though its a work in progress.

A very exciting work in progress :)

BCBS Blows

Ok, so I moved here from MA. I have to change my health care provider, though the people I work for are picking up the tab. Still it's a process, a long one. I get approved but then I have to provide all of this information to have the tier they want to put me on (which is crazy w/ exception to a stupid thyroid), to lowered to a normal tier as my health is fine.

I do all this but my medical benefits are non existent for a month while I am feuding with Blue Cross Blue Shield of CA over tiers. During this time I was not taking my thyroid medicine, but well there is no real reason it just wasn't happening. So I finally get situated with the health care, and now I'm told that I need really really need to get a TB test in order to pick baby 3 at pre-school, this seems odd to me but I run with it (she had spoken to me regarding this but not until I had quit my job and my health insurance was no longer).

I make the appointment, I pay the $40 co-pay that I know I need, and since my thyroid medicine at this point has run out. I see if I can get it filled with a new scrip. No big deal right? WRONG

I know have to deal with a $400 bill, because BCBS does not cover doctor appointments for pre-existing conditions. WHAT THE HELL!!! You have got to be kidding me, I (my employers) are paying $200 a month for what? I never go to the Dr., I only went to get the TB shot, oh did I mention that I also have to pay $33 for the TB test, that it's not even covered by the Dr's visit co-pay.

So by the time I'm done for the Dr's appt, that was just supposed a TB shot, I will have spent $500.......

annoyed, irritated, fuming, i want to kill Blue Cross Blue Shield for doing this......

Double edged

Ok, so I LOVE the lady that I work for, please keep that in mind, I never would have moved cross country if I didn't.

That being said, WTF! She had a brain tumor removed, and moved her family home so that she could be closer the her family. Totally understandable, and totally ok.

Not a lot, but a bunch of parents of the kids who are in C's and W's classes know what her deal is. The understand, why I am here to help out, and giving them the benefit of the doubt they don't judge her on what was the best decision for her family.

So why she then needs to judge them, because of things she hears about them, makes me want to scream. Actually look at her, tell her to shut the fuck up, and keep on driving.

How dare she tell me that *** or ***, she's heard are kinda odd, and a little crazy. Ok so no offense lady but you don't even know them, you have spent little to NO time talking to them. Call me biased because I do like them. They are some of the few people who have made my life as "step in mom" a little bit easier by not making me feel like the "nanny" and ostracizing me.


So next time you want to talk smack about someone you don't even know, let's keep in mind you don't want people knowing your business or judging them before you even get the chance to know them. Take a step back and evaluate, because lets be honest you hope people don't do it you, not knowing your story.

Tomorrow is day 1

Ok, so tomorrow is the big day. The day where I regain what I lost, and get myself back on the road to recovery. So that sounds like, I'm a mad druggie or alchy.. who is just left rehab..... while it works out the same way. I am on the road to getting back to being me, and that means taking charge of my health!!!

I've emailed my trainer friend, to see if he knows of anyone who needs a running partner, I need help on the accountability. I've also decided to go investigate the "team in training" my only issue with "TIT" is the whole fund raising thing... it's not you set a goal, its you have to raise $2000, and that's for a 1/2 marathon. That's a lot of money to raise, just to obtain a running partner. Don't get me wrong, it's a great cause, but I don't think I can raise that much money in a place where I know people, let alone in a new place where I know no one. We will see, all I can do is to go and listen to what they have to say!

So tomorrow morning comes early, and I have 4 alarms ready to go off (i have a hit the snooze, and roll over problem!), but I will be getting out of bed when I need to!!

Not much has changed, well maybe....

So things have changed. I moved, just up and left everything I know to drive 3k miles at a very fast speed to the sunny state of California, I swear it really is the sunny state..... it never rains here. A little depressing when sometimes you want to just stay in and vegetate for a Saturday or Sunday, but it's just so darn nice out you'd be wasting the day!

Why the move? It was time, 4 years of being run ragged at one company, where the people who should appreciate you don't, and the people do still abuse the power. A quick snap of a decision after another "innocent" stupid ass prank on my day off.... dudes it's my day off, try to handle real problems on your own, don't call me to fix made up ones.

So I'm doing something else now, totally different. I'm playing mom. I love it, I hate it. I imagine that's what real motherhood is like, the ups and down of 3 kids (3,6,9) who love to yell at me, but then love to snuggle. It was an easy jump to make when I heard a family who I loved, and had bsat for, for 6 yrs prior to them up and hoofing it across country to be closer to the mom's family due to her illness. All it took was a couple of emails, and the nervous of buying a plane ticket. That part was easy, telling the bestie who's getting married fall of 2011, that her MOH was leaving was the worst part.

So now I'm here. I'm trying to make it work. It's alot harder than I had imagined. Keep in mind I lived at home, I paid rent which was 1/3 less than what I pay, but I never paid for food, or other stuff that I know find myself head to head with. It's surreal, the whole living on one's on. I really don't have so many more expenses but at the same time I still find myself living paycheck to paycheck. It's all a work in process, I've only been doing this for all of 2 whole months.

I like the living away from home, but at the same time I miss the instant friend that is home. My sisters live at home, so I always had someone to do stuff with. Being out here and trying to make friends is a LOT harder than I had imagined. I've tried lots of things.... and I'll continue one foot in front of the next... it's continuous.

My health has suffered, not that I'm dying or anything, but my regular work out regime, at this point is non-existant. I joined weight watchers with Kt, the mom I work for, but I don't particularly like it. It's my own fault, but I can't figure it out. I'm in a rut, a total rut, I've done myself a huge hole, and I can't get out of it. I have no life line, no one throwing me a rope to help pull myself out of said hole.

So, I'm going to do it. Pull myself up by my bootstraps, and make this shit work. I can do this, I have done this before. I can and will do this again. On that note, I'm off to figure out how the hell I'm going to inch my way out of this god forsaken waist deep hole.